never again....

this post is not for the faint hearted...or people who have never been to a public loo...!!
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ever been to a debate...?? the good ones...always define the motion infront of the house. even if the motion is "bappi lahiri is the sexiest person alive..."...they will spend painful minutes describing what their definition of 'sexiest', 'person' and 'alive' is...!! which is actually an impressive way of wasting time and still coming out intelligent.

so...here is my definition.

any loo that as been used (by an absolute majority) by people i have never met in my life...is a public loo...!!

i dont know if its just me...but i somehow cannot shit in a public loo when i know that people whom i know are around. best example would be office. i can never...ever get myself to sit on the pot and ease myself...

the only thought that crosses my mind is...
Shit (diffrent from the real shit!) man...i will shit...it will stink...next person comes in...and HE WILL KNOW THAT I SHAT THERE...!!

and...what the f is with these new loos whose dividers do NOT go all the way down. i mean...what in friggin world are they thinking...that the only way we will get to knw that its occupied is when we see the shoes, pulled down trousers and hairy legs of the guy on the pot...??? would a simple try at the door be enough...!! or was it that the inventor had a case wherein the person knocking refused to believe that there was someone inside until he saw one...!!!
friggin morons...!!

anyways...so i am at this restaurent...the other day...!! and i clearly remember that i eased myself in the morning. and i didnt eat anything that could have led to another visit...!!

but i had the feeling...and you know how it is...

mauth aur moot...jab aati hain...tab aati hain...!
(ofcourse...we r talking abt shit here...but u get the point!)

so...after much decision making....i was like....chuck it man....ab to karna padega...!!!

and i enter this 1x1 feet room.

which not only has a pot and a wash basin...it friggin has a urinal as well...!!
NOW WHO WOULD BE SHITTING IN A PIGEONHOLE...WHEN SOMEONE IS LEAKING BESIDE YOU...?????
but no...gay marriage as legal and so are such toilets...!!

aaah...and not to mention...it had a hand dryer as well. which makes up for the first part of the story...

the loo is so so 'huge' that the minute i sit down on the pot...the hand dryer gets activated. i move my arm..and it goes wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...i move my head...and the same...!! it was so bloody small that i am sure my breathing process would be causing vibrations strong enough for it to get activated as well....!!!

well..so life is not always fun. after some 5 minutes...its done. and i ready to wipe all possible clues that i ever shat...!!

now...i know i have stayed in the US for a long time...! but heck....i will never ever wipe my ass with paper for god sake...! its just not happening...

so luckily for me...there is a nozzle. and its strategically pointing towards...u know what...

i find the knob...and turn it arnd.
no water
turn more
nothing
little more
nope...
turn it all the way....
PHOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

so...now if you can imagine...everything bad that could possibly have happened..had happened. my undies were all wet...and so was my jeans...!! and there was water dripping from my ass the way it never had...!!

but...the worst was yet to come...

i get up...count till 10...actvate the dryer a million times in the process...and get myself together....

flush...

no no...wrong gues...the flush worked..!!!

the friggin shit wont move...!!!

why gawd...why....why me...and my shit...out of all...!!!

flushed again...
nope...
yet again...
nope....

now this is where sound decision making will make the difference between a winner and looser. or a "all loos are the same" and "public loos...no no no no nooo..."

i wont go into the details of how i emerge victorious...(oh yes..i did)...! but to give you a hint...once i came out...i told the manager..."you may want to change the cleaning brush..."

friggin public loos...!!!
never again...


and hey...remember the time when the air hostess says
"in the unlikely event of an emergency landing, please adopt the brace position"

here is an addition they might want to consider
"in the highly likely event that your neighbour decides to take his shoes off when his socks havent been washed for a week...please ask for our highly successful wet tissues...wipe your hand crazy with them...and adopt the manoj kumar position"


but friggin public loos..
never again...

~a