...nightmares....and spreadhseets...

last week was my first touch with work pressure...and i mean pressure thts worse than a guy who hasnt shat for 7 months...!!

am working on a model. a project feasibility model. we wanna see if the project tht we abt to undertake makes business sense for us...and if it doesnt, then how can we ensure that it does. so basically...whatever happens...we will do the project...!! we jst hv to show tht it will work as well...

as wud be obvious...any such feasibility model....will hv its dose of P&L statements, balance sheets, cash flow statements...and the works.

now anyone...who has ever come in close contact with me...including the one i passed while coming out of the elevator this morning...knows tht my sole purpose in this world is a 3-step process...

Step 1
find out who was the guy who made the 1st balance sheet in the world...! the P&L statement or the cash flow statement 'inventors' will also do...

Step 2
find out if he is still alive...! chances r tht he is not...!

Step 3
find out who are his living descendents. and then aka 'the da vinci code'....bloody launch the worst ever cult group to wipe tht entire race. in the process...also attempt to remove all possible traces of accounting in this world...and alongwith them...the god damn accountants...!!!!


which...translated in english language....means...tht i hate...i mean...ohhhhh soooo muuuchhhh....HATE...acounts...! it was my first B-grade at ISB...and if it wasnt for AP, GC, AG and the likes...i wud hv sunk without a trace...!!!

so...it was torture...all the way...and its not funny when u come up with your version of the model...and are told..."uuuummmmmm....cash balance...can never be negative....but good try...DODO..."

it was so bad...tht the past 4 days hv been the following:

- dreaming...no no...nightmaring...about the spreadsheet....! nightmares about my life being a bloody balance sheet wherein my weight is adding on....to the liabilities side...! cash flow statement...and what the F is capitalization...

- sitting in the loo...ostensibly shitting...for 45 mins...with my ISB accounting book...!

- at the shop, after realizing tht i am out of monies...asking R.."tere paas cash flow hai...????"


the model is done...and i think...its comes out well...! thank god...

~a

PS:

1. for all those concerned...i think its almost a proven fact now that consulting is possibly the only field which required you to hv paid attention during your MBA. possibly speaks for the reason why they always look for the toppers...!
2. AD topped the marketing course at ISB. which speaks for the fact that he hasnt been studying...cause it wont hv happened if he did...! :)

...and where do u come from...

the other day i was explaining to my manager the concept of a blog...the same way someone explained the concept of an orgasm (THANK YOU) to me...only a few days back...!

so anyways...he asked me a good question..."how does the world come to know of your blog"..."and how is it that you know of others"...

at that time i simply answered that you start circulating your blog amoungst your peers...so on and so forth...and the network builds. and its the same way that you get to know of other blogs..

and then...i went to my sitemeter...and checked out stuff. to my surprise..almost 70% of the clicks on my blogs r through referrals. which basically means they are unsuspecting individuals browsing some really high IQ blogs...until destiny takes them to mine...!

additionally...i also found that my blog comes up on google for the weirdest of all searches:

Search # 1
yana gupta lipstick ad (http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=yana%20gupta%20lipstick%20ad&meta=)
WWWWWWWTTTTTTTFFFFFFFF

Search # 2
who has remixed yeh zameen gaa rahi hain (http://www.google.co.in/search?hl=en&q=who%20has%20remixed%20yeh%20zameen%20gaa%20rahi%20hain&meta=)
holy shit...!!!!!

Search # 3
What does Ankur mean (http://www.google.co.in/search?hl=en&q=What%20does%20Ankur%20mean&btnG=Search&meta=)
thank god for a sane search


so...where do u come from...?

~a

PS: funny things are happening to me on orkut nowadays. next post...dedicated to..."adventures on orkut"

...my 1st touch with 'bschool racism'

u always hear about it...but never wanna believe. and then it finally happens...and u r left thinking..."shit...it was true..and i never believed..."

my current team is an all IIM team...and if you are in consulting...the chances of this not happening are equivalent to that of america's hottest model with vital stats of 40-40-40..! and its an awesome team...i love all 3 of them...cause they r fun...and extremely smart...and very very professional and hardworking.

however, it jst happens...and invariably atleast once a day...when i get that random.."oh tu to yeh kar lega...tu isb se hai..."..."tu likh le yeh slide...tu to isb se hai...english to sikhaate honge..."

given me...i jst laugh it off....or better still...join in...."nahi...maine english waala elective nahi liya tha..."..! but then i do think...i hope thye r not serious. i mean...i hope at some level they really dont have that iim vs isb attitude.

whats fuels this thought is the fact that my 1st team...which too was an all iim one (40-40-40...yeah...the same joke..!)...never did anything like this. yah...there used to be those..."these guys are kings yaar...they r frm isb...used to ACs all day and room service.."...but then...extremely rare. meant more as a filler statement than anything else...

anyways...probably i am thinking too much into it. work has been quite demnading...but not hectic. the standards r really high...which is good in a way. although its really demoralizing when you dont reach up to them. i can say that i havent been performing the way i would want to...

leaving for home in 2 hrs...! life is a travel bag...

life's good..

:)

~a

india...one and a half days...

so remember...whenever consults try to mesmerize you with those bloody flybacks...think twice before you start having orgasm..

reached home at 6am thursday morning. was kinda tired because of the midnight flight...so slept..and woke up at 11...!

left home at 4pm on friday...rushed to office to file my expenses...and then caught the 9pm flight...

flyback...wasssuuuuuuuuupppppppp...!!!

but then yah...something is better than nothing. coming out of office on friday...i wished i cud go back to the time when i used to go home frm office...! i mean..even if at 8..or 9...(well...once even at 1am)...i was going home. and not some swanky...touch me oh so not...hotel room...! but then...thats life...

caught an awesome movie this wednesday "over the hedge" with A. awesome movie...had an absolutely brilliant time..completely hilarious and wonderfully crafted around a rather stupid storyline. muct watch..

then thursday (god..whats with me...am turning into a movie critic or something)...watched Corporate. wtf dude...does raj babbar have any..i mean ANYYY...idea of what market capitalization is. who in this world...while talking to normal humans...makes statements such as...jaante ho kitni badi company hai...iss company ka M-A-R-K-E-T C-A-P-I-T-A-L-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N 6000 crore hai...! i mean...for god sake...this is not vajpayee land..its business..!

overall...rather stupid movie...very factual though..will give you a insight into how businesses in their worst form function...and how everyone seems to be running by the "the social responsibility of business is to make profits" paradigms...!

on the way back...watched RDB again...and cried yet again...! thats a movie...thats a movie...!

work is coming along well...am having orgasms over the model i am creating nowadays...hv done it right frm stratch and its so much fun. i love excel...(can see E going..."hadnt i been sayin it...i'd been sayin it for god damn yrs..")


net net:
dubai is a nice place...but delhi rocks...
and dont travel air india...if u dont like watching the same movie..and the same food...for a month..

life's good...

~a

1st set of Dubai snaps

there u go...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/warikoo/sets/72157594192530925/

~a

...an 80 yr old start-up...

its a tough job...and now i realize why...

when companies come on campus...motherhood statements are made by the dozen..

..."we are ranked first in the north delhi pin code 110004 IT shops based off the DDA market"
..."our employee satisfaction is amongst the highest in the world...says our VP, who is no more with us"
..."revenues hv grown by 12%...which is indicative of the times to come...(yah right...the industry grew by 30%...so we can foresee the times!!)"

but then...some are genuine...which is what makes their job that much tougher. i mean...amidst the pleathora of companies that come and do a belly dance at ISB...its not easy for the students to distinguish the good frm the fibbers...! when everyone is talking about the same thing...how the hell does one decide the pecking order.

and this...ultimately...and unfortunately...results in a simple criteria. more the money...better the company...or atleast...if not better...thats where i am gonna go...

was just reading an interview of Anne Deering (http://www.filefactory.com/?dad350), a partner at A.T. Kearney...and she describes ATK as an 80 yr old start-up firm. which is so true. i can see it for myself...everywhere the mood is that of 'oh we hv to bring this child up...and gotta do it soon'...!

and when asked as to what kind of people do we look for, she names stuff such as curiosity, passion for learning...etc etc..! oh for god sake...we hear this from everyone...so whats different...

its only when you start working in the firmdo you realize that all these things are the only one that shall hold you good...! you have to be curious about what you do...when given a job you have to ask..."tell me whats this for...why am i supposed to do it.."...cause as an SBA you will be at times required to do stuff that doesnt quite excite you...! crunch numbers...make presentations...google like for 3-4 hours...for stupid data..!

but then in the long run...and i can so totally see it already...the ones who do well...are the ones who know what they are doing...and why they are doing it...! cause thats when you develop an appreciation for the kind of work you do...


so yeah...back to what the main theme was...its really tough to know when is a company simply lying...or when is it being truly genuine. unfortunately...unless you hvnt experienced a similar firm...its very tough to juxtapose 2 firms and see which one is better..


the best way...i can guess...is to ask the alums. cause we r experiencing what you guys shall experience...! and believe me...this feedback about the company shall be extremely crucial...

~a

PS: needless to say...ATK is not the only consulting firm which talks genuinely about what they want and how they function. every other consulting firm i can think of (well almost...surely the top ones)...would be very true when they tell you what kind of people they look for...and how they go about looking for them..!

chodoonga nahi bharaniiiiiiiii.............

my biggest fear...right here...infront of your eyes...

i was tagged...! and i didnt even know what that means...till i saw my name in the Big B'g blog...

so here..!

I am thinking
how many years will it take mumbai to realize that not having a proper drainage system hits their bloody GDP by some 26763 basis points...!

I said
to myself...wud i ever wanna stay in dubai if given a chance...
no...and this was even before i asked the question...

I want
to have a house big enough fot my parents and wife...in the next 2-3 years...and i want to name it "warikoos"

I wish
to travel all across the world...and visit atleast 300 countried before i die...! precisely why i wish this...not want this...!

I miss
the days when i used to go to the temple...and pray to god..."please make me superman...i promise i will help others and not misuse the powers". this was early 90s...right after i had watched superman II...! watching superman returns this weekend...brought back some reall sweet memories...!

I hear
myself...all the time. i question muself all the time...and i answer myself all the time.

I wonder
what would life have been like if i hadnt met R...! if i hadnt come back frm the US...if i had continued with tennis...if i didnt anchor tht stage show in school...if i had got thru the IITs...if i didnt join ISB but the other schools...if i hadnt got thru ATK...if life wasnt what it is today...

I regret
nothing...absolutely nothing. i just wonder...!

I am
just another guy...

I dance
like crazy when i have to. precisely the time when medical sciene cannot explain how a certain human can have more than 2 left feet...!

I sing
a lot...more than people think i do...and i feel i dont do a bad job. R is probably the only one infront of whom i have sung...else...its the car and me...!

I cry
a lot lesser than i used to. but i am proud of the fact that i can cry infront of people..its not a sign of weakness for me...! and yah...the sight of a lost child...always makes me cry...!

I am not
right all the time...

I write
a lot...! and with my new sexy fountain pen...i sure do write a lot..!

I confuse
myself whenever there is a sound coming in my car....have a horrible sense of direction in tht sense...! i surely wasnt a dog ever...this is my 1st time as one...!

I need
to make people happy arnd me...thats my battery..!

I should
make sure i never hurt anyone...cause it sucks when i do...! it really sucks...

I finish
every task given to me...as if there isnt anything else left to do in this world.

I tag
Pratik Patankar
Arun Dhar
Girish 'IT' Krishnan
DHIONLYONE

~a

nationalities...all arnd me..

Day: June 30, 2006
Time: 4.30pm
Venue: A.T. Kearney, Delhi Office

Mail subject:
Welcome aboard

Me (thinking):
"isnt this a little too late...??"

Mail Content:
Dear ankur,
Welcome to the **** project in Dubai

Me (thinking):
WWWWWWTTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFF

• scanned the passport, sent it across
• got my health insurance
• bought myself a strolley
• took a few deep breaths
• bought an aftershave, deo, shampoo, conditioner, shoes, a shirt, trouser
• checked my bank balance
• received visa on sunday
• receieved ticket on sunday
• flew monday morning 4am flight

Day: July 5, 2006
Time: 11am
Venue: Client site, Dubai

• am staying in the best business hotel of the world (or so the award says!)
• have tasted 4 cuisines in the last 2 days
• am surrounded by 7 different accents in office
• cant understand a shit of what the delivery guy says..when i order lunch...and i am sure he will be saying the same
• hv walked on the Sheikh Zayeed Road (seems to be the main hub!) for 25 minutes...doing nothing
• hvnt clicked any snaps as yet...plan to click 300 this weekend..
• am waiting to be back in india next week

life surely is good...at times very unpredictable...mostly good...! :)

~a

PS: i will be here for 4 months...though i do get flybacks...weekly...but then dubai weekends (thurs/fri). My delhi number will be operational frm next week...thrus/fri...else email is the best way to reach me...(just in case you need to!)