..its the test of this desire...that's what life is...
- Zaaveda Zindagi (Movie: Anwar)
i agree with that...! life..at all times...at each point..is simply a test. a test of how strongly you desire something...how much are you willing to work towards it...a test...each and every point.
so...i sat down the other day...with the music on...! ofcourse..people who can see my gtalk know that nowadays i am on an overdose of urdu stuff. gone back to jagjit singh sorts. and then came atif aslam. friggin amazing stuff. fanstastic lyrics...most of them...and his energy is jst killin. i mean...he is so good...tht at times i wish i cud be this teenybopper...at his concert...shouting at the top of my lungs...atifffffffffff...almost tearing my top off..!!
so i sat down the other day...!! and omg...HAVE YOU HEARD ATIF ASLAM...HE IS LIKE...OMGGGGG...
yeah...the othe day...! i was wondering..what are the things that i would work for..! what would life be testing me on...each and every point.
this was my list...
life...everyday...asks me this...
"u friggin ass..! at a time when you were earning $525 a month...u bought yourself a $750 camera..! you used to cook your own food everyday...because paneer outside used to cost more than milk and vinegar...(ofcourse my time had no value then. notice how i used 'then' to lead you into believing that it does hv any value now..!!)..! so what the f did u with it..! clicked some snaps..! made a moron show at the ISB talent night..! and yeah...never got down to practising..! u friggin ass...!"
i know what i want to do. i want to become angus moon. for those who dont know him...he was the exchange student to isb from UCT GSB, last year (read here). and a professional photographer. not before he earned his living as a consultant. and according to him...he earned much more as a photographer than he did as a consultant (ofcourse with my friggin package i will have to click rajnikanth naked to make up for it...although i do know that clicking bappi lahiri naked might fetch me more!). now thats what i want to do. i just want to leave my job one day...and pick up my camera. and jst go clicking for a yr.
balls..! will never get that courage..! life's a waste..!
yeah...thats true..! i hv always loved singing...although only 2 people hv heard me do so. only one survived. i do visit the other whenever i get the time..but the friggin asylum closes before my office ends.
i wanna learn singing. i want to sing the song i like...the way they shud be sung. and i want to believe that i did a good job. ofcourse i also know that anu malik thinks the same...so yeah...i also want the world to think i did a good job. which in turns means...i want to sing for an audience one day..!
let see if i pass this test...
my masi went to singapore right after her marriage. so when she finally came back to india after some 5 yrs...she was this genie...! with magical stuff...!! she had this thing called the VCR...! and this beauty of an invention named TV. and a certain video called Superman II.
each time i met her...which was like once a week or so...she used to make me watch it. without fail. till i reached the point wherein i visited her almost everyday...jst to watch it. the movie was my sholay..!! i knew each dialogue..(or atleast i thought..heck..i was in 3rd grade..and the movie was english!)...! ofcourse...growing up..it was easiest to blame masi for most of who i was..!!
hah..! i used to go to temples and pray to god...to make me superman. and i remember telling god...i promise i will use my pwers for the good..!! i am sure that used to be god's stand up comedy hour...!! he wud invite jesus and mohammad...and indra (if he was free from his boogie-woogie dance performances) to view me...and would go..."listen to this friggin ass...wants to become superman..he is too funny..!!"
but i want to become one...whats wrong with that. really..! i get a kick when i do somethng for someone...wthout the person knowing its me. he jst knows its someone..! it cud be anyone..! and thats superman for me. u hv the power...but never the identity. you dont exist...and yet you do..in the most powerful manner possible..! and its an addiction for me..! the 'overly involved' me..!
ofcourse...they stopped making red underwear...and my blue pants are not the best fitting. but i can manage..!
so there...u hv Mr. blue pants...who can friggin sing....and flies arnd with this camera. yup...that's me..!!
that's who i wanna be...
issi shauk ka intihaam zindagi hain...!